Manny rumors

Bring on Manny!

Buster Olney is optimistic he might be coming to San Francisco.


Jax

Busy

I can't blog right now, I'm too busy with my accountants and lawyers sorting out my offshore holdings for the IRS. What a mess. Here I am with one of my assistants.

Adios,

Jax

I hate winter

Hi. It's Jax. I took a few weeks off there because I at some weird green apples from next door and I wasn't feeling well. Also, it's raining and I just kind of felt like hibernating.

So sue me.

Alot has gone on in the last few weeks. We have Superbowl teams, finally. (My latest line, Steelers win by 7. Call 1-800-Jax-Picks to place bets. I'm set up offshore now.)

Also, the Australian Open tennis is on. I like Nadal on the men's side. That guy Monfils (11) from France is interesting. The women's side, I have no idea.

The Giants have potential lineups floating around. Manager Bruce Bochy is on the radio saying how much better the team is now than last year. Here's what we're looking like.

1) Randy Winn (OF)
2) Edgar Renteria (SS)
3) Pablo Sandoval (1B)
4) Bengie Molina (C)
5) Fred Lewis (OF)
6) Aaron Rowand (OF)
7) Travis Ishikawa (3B)
8) Second-Base (Emmanuel Burriss, Kevin Frandsen or Eugenio Velez)
9) Pitcher

It's not exactly stacked with power, but I think we can get above .500 with it. Manny Ramirez would look so good in there. The Giants strategy in the NL West is all about pitching, anyway. Just shut down teams with Lincecum, Randy Johnson, Matt Cain and then throw in Wilson to close.

Nobody cares, but the World Baseball Classic is coming up and a few Giants are in there. Big Money Bengie Molina, Jonathan Sanchez, and Pablo Sandoval. Sanchez is playing for Puerto Rico (isn't that part of ...) and Sandoval is playing for Venuzeula.

Traitors.

Jax

Manny being Manny

Hey sports fans, welcome to 2009. Jax here, in the garage as usual ...

It's old news that the Giants signed the Big Unit Randy Johnson, for a cool $8 million for one year. The pitching rotation is sewn up, and it frees the Giants to deal Jonathan Sanchez. Nice.

Now I read Giants GM Brian Sabean is pursuing Manny Ramirez, and now I would like to parrot everything that Ann Killion says in her Jan. 4 column in the Mercury News. Photo credit: AP.

Sure he would be expensive and a big clubhouse presence (sound familiar?) but what a bat. Yeah, he's not a team player and left Boston on the worst possible terms, limping like a listless imbecile because he didn't feel like playing, but what a bat. Yeah, he has held up a game during a pitching change in Boston because he was taking a leak in the Green Monster scoreboard, but what a bat. Yeah, he doesn't exactly fit in the Giants youth movement, but what a ... did I mention he strikes fear in every pitcher in the majors?

Plus you're taking tons of hits from the Dodgers. Plus the Giants outfield isn't the greatest anyway (Rowand, Winn, and a back-from-bunion-foot-surgery Freddy Lewis)? The Giants were the only team in major league baseball to hit fewer than 100 home runs last season.

I say sign Manny if you can and get this train rollin'. (Note to Giants ownership: He also puts butts in seats at AT&T Park, like you didn't know that). I'm ready for the drama. Bring it.

Adios,

Jax

Renteria is a Giant

Hola, Jax here en el Garage. I'm listening to Spanish lessons on tape here. Kinda bored.

Anyway, the Giants signed Edgar Renteria to replace SS Omar Vizquel. Hopefully he isn't on a downward spiral and can put up numbers more like 2007 (.332 avg) than in 2008 (.270). (Renteria photo: hollywoodcollectibles.com, and yes, he's been with the Red Sox, Braves, Marlins ... Jorge Cantu photo www.sportsillustrated.cnn.com)

Whatever. I just hope Giants GM Brian Sabean doesn't make his big off-season signing CC Sabathia. Last year was a fluke with the Brewers. This guy needs to go a diet yesterday (6-7, 290lb), and pitching is not the problem on the Giants at the moment.

Do I need to spell it out? G.E.T. A. B.A.T.
The rumor is that mediocre Giants pitcher Jonathan Sanchez will be traded for the Marlins' Jorge Cantu. Go for it.

Cantu is 26, batted .277 and could be relatively cheap. Not that the Giants would stoop to actually driving a hard bargain. They seem to shower players with money (Exhibit A: Barry Zito) and go for players just past their prime. Basically the oppposite approach to Billy Beane's A's.

Please let there be a hitter in the Giants future.

Adios, muchachos, y Feliz Navidad.

Jax

NFL: No Fun League?

Hey folks, Jax here, chillin' in the garage. Is it Thanksgiving yet?

Some people have asked me if I'm going to follow pro football now that baseball season is over, and I could give it a shot. Here's an, um, interesting blog post from Washington Redskins Tight End Chris Cooley (at right, photo: redskins.com). Just in case you thought football players weren't as juvenile, homoerotic (and funny) as baseball players at times, his own blog post is a testament to what happens behind the scenes on some teams. And yes, it involves "air humping." Who says the NFL is the No Fun League?

I have a feeling the post is going to get pulled from the site really soon once a PR person finds it, so I have copied and pasted it below. A sports talk radio guy could barely get through reading it today without bursting out laughing. Enjoy.

Official Website of Chris Cooley
Monday, November 24, 2008
Seattle

There is no better way to celebrate a win than getting grabbed and punched in the balls by a bunch of offensive lineman on the bus. Lesson learned though, if you go back and try to mess with one of them then the rest are gonna gang up on ya. To their defense, I guess I kind of had it coming. Last Thursday in practice we were working on our run game and one of our guys fell down as the play ended. I had just finished off my block and turned back to see him wallowing around on his hands and knees trying to get back to his feet. I don't really know why, but I thought it would be funny as hell to air hump him in while he was down, maybe catch it on the end of the film clip to have something to laugh about in meetings later that afternoon. I was even nice enough to make sure he wasn't really hurt before I moved in behind him. As I finished off and made my way back to the huddle I heard about half the team erupt in laughter, really I didn't expect any reaction, but apparently it was noticed by everyone.

So, back to the bus, when the game ends I usually load up on bus #2 and move towards the back with the offensive line, Yoder, and the kickers. Kind of our little after the game club. After games we usually have to sit on the bus and wait for a half hour or so before all the interviews are done and the gear gets loaded up to take to the airport and then it's usually another half an hour before we get to the plane. So we get some quality time to spend together, especially after a win. After Sunday nights game I was getting all kinds of hell about what was going to happen to me when I fell asleep on the plane due to the whole air humping thing. You know, asses on your face, dicks drawn on you forehead, or the very popular picture of you sleeping with someone's balls touching you then getting the photo texted to your phone in the morning prank. So I went back to entertain a little pre-plane wrestling match and take care of business. Before I knew it I was held down on the floor being manhandled and punched in the crotch, oh yea, I got air humped in retaliation while I was down too. Yea, we are a bunch of 14 year olds, at least until we get back home to our families and then we mature to at least 17.

After all the shenanigans we had a good laugh and then I proceeded to remain awake the entire flight home. It's hilarious to think about how someone may explain the antics on the bus to a human resources director at a normal workplace. Can you imagine a some dude at an accounting firm complaining about all his fellow workers pinning him down in a cubicle and punching his nuts? That's assault brother! And we just laugh about it like a bunch of idiots.

Well enough of the bullshit. I think everyone knew that this week's game was a must win to keep any kind of pace with the rest of the NFC. Let's not even talk about winning our division, I mean, it will probably take 11 wins just to get into a wild card spot. Right now everyone is winning games and we couldn't afford to drop another one. Seattle was a tough team and a crazy ass place to play, I think that's all I have to say. It was a huge win!
Posted by Chris Cooley at 4:50 PM 22 comments
Labels: Chris Cooley, Random Crazy, Seattle, Washington Redskins

Speaking of free agents

Here's a list of some candidates. Who might look good in a Giants uniform?

Jax

Next season

Hey everybody, Jax here, chillin' in the garage.

Things have wound down a little around here. I've been a little more careful with my constitution, and I'm not chasing Snowflake (the neighbors' dog) off in to their yard. Gosh it was fun to poop there. That was really a hoot. Now when I go over there this shocker things zaps me when I cross the line to their yard. I don't get it.

Back to baseball ... The Giants need a bat. Here's who Giants GM Brian Sabean might get for a free agent this off season. He has a tendency to pick up at least one each off season, so get ready for an infielder with a bat. I wonder if that will be enough to contend for the NL West. And if I were Matt Cain or Tim Lincecum, I'd be kind of restless for some damn run support. Let's make 2009 count, ya bastards.

Here's a photo of Pablo Sandoval, a catcher and another prospect the Giants brought up from their Class A team, the San Jose Giants. I hope Pablo and Big Money Bengie Molina have a spirited rivalry next season behind home plate. Photo credit: sjgiants.com.

Later,

Jax

Tim-may did it!

Hooray! San Francisco's own Tim Lincecum won the NL Cy Young Award today, in a landslide! I really hope this gives a boost to the Giants next season. He's earned his nickname "The Franchise" and we have got to lock this guy up long term. This makes Giants GM Brian Sabean look good, makes the team more attractive to prospects, maybe it'll make free agents look at the Giants as more a contender. What an achievement! Can't wait til next season. Photo: Associated Press.

Jax

Bush deserves a third term ... in prison

The World Series is over, the Phillies won, and we will have new winners and losers on Nov. 4.
It's Election Day, and nobody cares about my politics, so I won't bother. Here's are my votes for the next four years.

1. More baseball, less commissioner.
Can we vote MLB Commissioner Bud Selig out of office? Why not? I think people ought to write in their choices on the next All Star ballot. Ditch this home run replay stuff, ditch QuesTec, ditch the All Star game result having anything to do with the World Series. How many commissioners of major sports are not trained in labor law, but were once used car salesman. I only know of one, Bud.

2. Stop vibrating and shocking my neck.
So I went potty a few times on neighbor John's yard. So what? I didn't know it was bad. Now Mom and Dad set up this line across our yards, and every time I try to cross it I get shocked or vibrated by my collar. What the hey? Do I look like a wild animal here? I'm just trying to take a crap. I was so tired from running around with the dogs this weekend I went to the fence, got shocked, then just moped home like a Panda. WTF.

3. Chasing cats should be legal. It's really fun, and I never catch them anyway, so who gives a damn. Just let me terrify cats.

More on the Giants next post. The photo's from MLB.com.

Jax

I told you it would be weird

Weirdness at the World Series. Hi guys, Jax here, just chilling out in the garage. The Tennessee Titans are 7-0 and everybody's talking about the World Series. (Photo from AFP.)

I think MLB Commish Bud Selig made a deal with Mother Nature to get the rain to come down to stir interest in this World Series, which has had record low TV ratings.

Actually, it is unlikely that Selig has Nature on speed dial--he has trouble communicating here on Earth. Before the game, Selig said there was no way the game would be cut short because of rain. If there were a rain delay, it would be delayed for as long as it took. Well, it would have been the longest rain delay in history--2 days plus.

Tied at 2-2, with rain pouring down in the middle of the sixth inning, the game was suspended until Tuesday night in Philly. Then I hear on the radio Tuesday the game will not be played tonight because of rain and 40 mph gusts, delaying it to Wednesday at 8 p.m. EST.

A Philadelphia resident wrote an email to the Dan Patrick radio show today. Paraphrasing:

There are many lovely autumn afternoons that turn in to stormy evenings here in Philadelphia. If the game were played in the afternoon, as they were in the past so children and adults would not have to stay up late, this wouldn't have happened. Major League Baseball was just responding to its pimp, FOX, which insists on games being played later in the day to maximize TV viewers. That means more ad revenue. Nevermind that both teams are from the East Coast--us fans get the shaft.

Dan Patrick's response: The game never should have started with the ominous weather forecast. Why not delay the game preemptively? What were they thinking? And why did Selig say before the game they would play until it was done? If the score had not been tied, and it was called with a 2-1 score in the Phillies' favor, the rules say 5 innings is a full game.

What do I think? I'm a dog, OK. I just learned to pee on the right bush this week.

I was looking forward to a nice little game that would have completed innings 6 through 9 tonight here at 5 p.m. PST. And by the way, it's about 78 degrees and sunny here. I guess I will have to wait until Thursday. Go Rays. If the Rays go on to win it, get ready for riots in Philly.

Jax

Thoughts on the Trop

Hey gang, Jax in FX--

World Series Game 1 wasn't exactly what I hoped for with a Phillies win, but there were some things I appreciated.

1. The angles. One good part of Tropicana Field is that the camera that shows the mound and home plate is shot from so high in center field that it has a downward angle--blocking all the jerks on their cell phones behind home plate. Not only that, but the scoreboard banner that Fox uses on top blots out the entire front row of seats, leaving just baseball and a single ad banner to the left of home plate. It's great. Nobody's waving their arms franticaly or delivering $10 hot dogs, it's just baseball. It kinda reminds me of the Houston Astrodome with the turf and everything.

2. Pass the mic. Also, I liked how they had a mic on Rays Manager Joe Maddon during that balk. He yelled "That was a balk, that was bullshit," and a few million people heard him.

3. I think Tim McCarver is a jackass.

4. Fox Trax. It's that strike zone graphic they show to review pitches that looks like the K-Zone on ESPN but more ghetto. Anyway, I liked how the graphic showed balls that were called strikes and strikes that were called balls. Eat that, QuesTec.

5. Curt Schilling got it right on his blog. Phillies 1, Rays 0.

Get ready for teal

Hey everybody, Jax here, just chillin' here in the garage.

Old school baseball fans really wanted a Dodgers-Red Sox World Series. To them I say: Eat it.

Fall baseball doesn't have to be about Fenway Park and those dolts in Chavez Ravine. Bring on The Bank and The Trop. I'm rooting for the Rays, teal uniforms and crazy ceiling in the Trop and all. They have the heart to do this, and I think the Phillies' layoff will hurt them.

They say this will be the least watched World Series in history. I don't give a damn.

Game 1 starts tonight!

Carlos Pena has a blog

Rays first baseman Carlos Pena (at right with Manager Joe Maddon, mlb.com) has been keeping a blog, and he said it wasn't the first time he had made a big statement at Fenway Park -- he played there all the time in his imagination.

This is so cool. When I lived in Haverhill growing up in Boston, we used to live at kind of a corner, so it looked like a baseball stadium. We would pick one of the corners to be home plate. And then we would hit up against the house that was right in front of us, with plastic balls, obviously, because we would have broken all the windows otherwise.

My brothers and I used to play, and we used to hit so many home runs over the Green Monster in our minds. "Ah, home run over the Green Monster, yeah!" And I was doing that when I was 13, after I got to this country from the Dominican Republic for the first time.

And all this was a dream, that's all it was. And the next thing you know, I'm still doing it at 30 years old, and actually doing it -- really doing it. Tonight's home run, last night's home run, those were like a dream -- something I'd done before in my mind.

The Rays play the Phillies at the Trop on Wednesday at 5 p.m. PST.

Schadenfreude

Schadenfreude SHa-den-FROID. noun. definition: pleasure derived from another person's misfortune.

I had a big case of Schadenfreude last night when the Dodgers went down in flames at Dodger Stadium to the Phillies. It was even better than if they hadn't made the playoffs. As a Giants fan, it was the greatest. That's Manny at right, of course, having Manny problems in Game 3 (credit: Washington Post).

Callers on Damon Bruce's excellent Sportsphone 680 show last night were going bananas about the Dodgers losing. Also, former Giant Pedro "Pete Happy" Feliz is headed to the World Series wearing a Phillies uniform. This, a guy who made an art of the K during his time as a Giant, swinging at balls in the dirt daily. Life is not fair, especially for former Phillie Aaron "I broke my nose for that team" Rowand. Life is not fair.

Now we have Charlie Manuel's gol-dang Phillies versus what looks to be a firing-on-all-cylinders Rays in the World Series. The Bank and the Trop are the venues. What a way to finish a weird 2008. I can't wait until an "instant" replay home run decides the whole thing.

The unlikely World Series

Go Rays, go Phillies.

How much fun is it see the BoSox go down? I'll jump on that Rays bandwagon. Worst to first. Live it up! Go Rays!

Check out the Rays Index for latest info.

Scotty Kazmir (right, mlb.com) pitches next.

In da house

Stephen and I had to paint a fence yesterday, so we listened to the end of the Phillies-Dodgers game on the radio and a lot of the Rays-Red Sox game before we switched to TV. I just lounged outside my dog house while he painted my fence. We were bonding. (see photo)

The Red Sox game was called by Jon Miller and Joe Morgan, and I really don't like Joe Morgan's style because he repeats things like eight times because he has nothing else to say. Just as a "for instance" (that's Palin talk, we're all getting accents, eh) Joe Morgan said that Red Sox starter Daisuke Matsuzaka often has bad command of his pitches until he gets in a jam and pitches out of it.

"So, Dice-K will throw pitches that aren't even close, then he'll pitch out of it."
"Dice-K is out of the strike zone, again, but then when he needs to throw strikes, he can."
"That's the thing about Dice-K, he just throws strikes when he has to."
"Dice-K really can't command his pitches, but somehow he strikes out batters."
"There goes Dice-K again, digging himself a hole then throwing strikes."
"I really don't like these Japanese guys coming over here and taking American jobs on the mound."

OK, so he didn't really say that last one, but you get the idea. Isn't there anything else going on in the game? Is there no other storyline?




That's Joe Morgan, left, and Daisuke Matsuzaka, right.
At least Jon Miller is telling me about the crazy dimensions of Tropicana Field, describing the length to the outfield walls and the short height of the fences.

And don't even get me started on Fox's Tim McCarver.

Woof

Jax

The Angels were robbed

Here's that play from the ALDS the other day. Because it was a controversial call involving a catcher, I'm just surprised A.J. Pierzynski wasn't there.

Core scores

This has nothing to do with baseball, but I thought everyone should know about the Core Score. Surfing Magazine came up with this list a few months ago, and they have added to the list each month. It's just a general rating for your life about how "core" you are. It's centered on surfing, but you get the idea. Blogging, incidently, is really bad for your core score.

Increase Your Core Score
beards
flannels
not having a cell phone
budweiser cans
no-look paddle outs
stitches
surfing alone
sleeping in your car
black coffee
sneaking in (anywhere)
running (but not for exercise)
not coming home
overtime
public radio
sailing alone
immigration
road sodas
gutters
hands-free barrels
train-hopping
on the rocks
last call
change
the pill
driving to Cabo
cheating
peeing outdoors


Decrease Your Core Score
walking your girlfriend's dog
faux-hawks
changing in a towel robe
salads
fur-lined boots
slacks
blogging
tanning
puka shell necklaces
Valentine's Day
drop knee
t-shirts with phrases
excessive sunscreen
getting sick
sleeping pills
beach chairs
gift baskets
Oprah
unusual hats
the surfing rulebook
tofu
worrying about gas prices
frozen yogurt
soundtracks
reality television
convertibles
plagiarism

Where do you stand?

Jax

Ray day

This story is way better than whatever I would have written today, so just read that instead. Go Rays!!!!

yawn,

Jax