NFL: No Fun League?

Hey folks, Jax here, chillin' in the garage. Is it Thanksgiving yet?

Some people have asked me if I'm going to follow pro football now that baseball season is over, and I could give it a shot. Here's an, um, interesting blog post from Washington Redskins Tight End Chris Cooley (at right, photo: redskins.com). Just in case you thought football players weren't as juvenile, homoerotic (and funny) as baseball players at times, his own blog post is a testament to what happens behind the scenes on some teams. And yes, it involves "air humping." Who says the NFL is the No Fun League?

I have a feeling the post is going to get pulled from the site really soon once a PR person finds it, so I have copied and pasted it below. A sports talk radio guy could barely get through reading it today without bursting out laughing. Enjoy.

Official Website of Chris Cooley
Monday, November 24, 2008
Seattle

There is no better way to celebrate a win than getting grabbed and punched in the balls by a bunch of offensive lineman on the bus. Lesson learned though, if you go back and try to mess with one of them then the rest are gonna gang up on ya. To their defense, I guess I kind of had it coming. Last Thursday in practice we were working on our run game and one of our guys fell down as the play ended. I had just finished off my block and turned back to see him wallowing around on his hands and knees trying to get back to his feet. I don't really know why, but I thought it would be funny as hell to air hump him in while he was down, maybe catch it on the end of the film clip to have something to laugh about in meetings later that afternoon. I was even nice enough to make sure he wasn't really hurt before I moved in behind him. As I finished off and made my way back to the huddle I heard about half the team erupt in laughter, really I didn't expect any reaction, but apparently it was noticed by everyone.

So, back to the bus, when the game ends I usually load up on bus #2 and move towards the back with the offensive line, Yoder, and the kickers. Kind of our little after the game club. After games we usually have to sit on the bus and wait for a half hour or so before all the interviews are done and the gear gets loaded up to take to the airport and then it's usually another half an hour before we get to the plane. So we get some quality time to spend together, especially after a win. After Sunday nights game I was getting all kinds of hell about what was going to happen to me when I fell asleep on the plane due to the whole air humping thing. You know, asses on your face, dicks drawn on you forehead, or the very popular picture of you sleeping with someone's balls touching you then getting the photo texted to your phone in the morning prank. So I went back to entertain a little pre-plane wrestling match and take care of business. Before I knew it I was held down on the floor being manhandled and punched in the crotch, oh yea, I got air humped in retaliation while I was down too. Yea, we are a bunch of 14 year olds, at least until we get back home to our families and then we mature to at least 17.

After all the shenanigans we had a good laugh and then I proceeded to remain awake the entire flight home. It's hilarious to think about how someone may explain the antics on the bus to a human resources director at a normal workplace. Can you imagine a some dude at an accounting firm complaining about all his fellow workers pinning him down in a cubicle and punching his nuts? That's assault brother! And we just laugh about it like a bunch of idiots.

Well enough of the bullshit. I think everyone knew that this week's game was a must win to keep any kind of pace with the rest of the NFC. Let's not even talk about winning our division, I mean, it will probably take 11 wins just to get into a wild card spot. Right now everyone is winning games and we couldn't afford to drop another one. Seattle was a tough team and a crazy ass place to play, I think that's all I have to say. It was a huge win!
Posted by Chris Cooley at 4:50 PM 22 comments
Labels: Chris Cooley, Random Crazy, Seattle, Washington Redskins

Speaking of free agents

Here's a list of some candidates. Who might look good in a Giants uniform?

Jax

Next season

Hey everybody, Jax here, chillin' in the garage.

Things have wound down a little around here. I've been a little more careful with my constitution, and I'm not chasing Snowflake (the neighbors' dog) off in to their yard. Gosh it was fun to poop there. That was really a hoot. Now when I go over there this shocker things zaps me when I cross the line to their yard. I don't get it.

Back to baseball ... The Giants need a bat. Here's who Giants GM Brian Sabean might get for a free agent this off season. He has a tendency to pick up at least one each off season, so get ready for an infielder with a bat. I wonder if that will be enough to contend for the NL West. And if I were Matt Cain or Tim Lincecum, I'd be kind of restless for some damn run support. Let's make 2009 count, ya bastards.

Here's a photo of Pablo Sandoval, a catcher and another prospect the Giants brought up from their Class A team, the San Jose Giants. I hope Pablo and Big Money Bengie Molina have a spirited rivalry next season behind home plate. Photo credit: sjgiants.com.

Later,

Jax

Tim-may did it!

Hooray! San Francisco's own Tim Lincecum won the NL Cy Young Award today, in a landslide! I really hope this gives a boost to the Giants next season. He's earned his nickname "The Franchise" and we have got to lock this guy up long term. This makes Giants GM Brian Sabean look good, makes the team more attractive to prospects, maybe it'll make free agents look at the Giants as more a contender. What an achievement! Can't wait til next season. Photo: Associated Press.

Jax

Bush deserves a third term ... in prison

The World Series is over, the Phillies won, and we will have new winners and losers on Nov. 4.
It's Election Day, and nobody cares about my politics, so I won't bother. Here's are my votes for the next four years.

1. More baseball, less commissioner.
Can we vote MLB Commissioner Bud Selig out of office? Why not? I think people ought to write in their choices on the next All Star ballot. Ditch this home run replay stuff, ditch QuesTec, ditch the All Star game result having anything to do with the World Series. How many commissioners of major sports are not trained in labor law, but were once used car salesman. I only know of one, Bud.

2. Stop vibrating and shocking my neck.
So I went potty a few times on neighbor John's yard. So what? I didn't know it was bad. Now Mom and Dad set up this line across our yards, and every time I try to cross it I get shocked or vibrated by my collar. What the hey? Do I look like a wild animal here? I'm just trying to take a crap. I was so tired from running around with the dogs this weekend I went to the fence, got shocked, then just moped home like a Panda. WTF.

3. Chasing cats should be legal. It's really fun, and I never catch them anyway, so who gives a damn. Just let me terrify cats.

More on the Giants next post. The photo's from MLB.com.

Jax